November 4, 2008

nameless and disturbing state of mind, part two

It's not apathy
nor guilt
it's something else
for which I can't find a name

It's not about nightmares
becoming real or pain still
growing here
None such issues are my concern

If I knew the name
I could grab it all the way
But they say you can't beat
what you can't explain

All and all is about
time running back and forth,
the same awkward feelings of yesteryear
multiplied by ten, twenty

Plus confusion and delusion
a plenty, frenzy
and trendy, forever lazy
in my myriad apologies

It's nothing I can describe
Nor it makes me uneasy
It just drags me down
Every day yet another half inch

And in the long run
when I notice the apparent
movement I try to smile but
it's impossible

Because it's not apathy,
it's not pain, nor plain
getting older; but then it just maybe
the sheer horror of being here and being alive

david weinglas (Montevideo, MN, 1978)