endless possibilities

Since we broke up
Or better, since you left
I've been juggling with
Endless possibilities

Considering the odds
Scrutinizing different options
Probing the multiple paths
Unfolding before me

For you see, it all seems so blurry
and yet so clear to me now
That I'm walking the extra mile
Just to hear the sound it makes

I hung out with an ageing ex-model
Who bought me dinner at an upscale, fancy restaurant
And then took me to her apartment
Where we fornicated a few times

I dated fat chicks
With a college degree and boring jobs
Little or no self-esteem
Always eager to please

I flirted with men
And quite enjoyed the company
Of old ravenous guys
Looking for adventure

But even when I hit rock bottom
At some other not so pleasant times
I never considered being like you
That's the one gate I left unopened

I never ever want to be like you
Not even faintly resemble
The childish smile, freckles, bangs and polka dots
The artsy, cutesy, curvy, pushy type

Who turned me upside down, rocked my world
And left me considering, juggling, agonizing,
Probing the multiple paths that inevitably
Send me straight back to your door like a hungry stray dog


jon kutcsa (Corpus Christi, TX, 1971)